I'm going to tell you something a tiny bit shameful. I've got myself a shopping trolley. I know! You think they're awful don't you? They smack of little old ladies, and they're usually tartan...the trolleys, not the ladies, they're often beige. I bet it's not a look you'd want to aim for. But bear with me, my reasoning's sound.
I live only a short walk from the nearest supermarket. Driving there just seems wrong, on so many levels. It's bad for the environment for one thing and it seems lazy to take the car for such a short distance. Plus it makes the already expensive business of shopping that bit more so. Hence, the despised trolley. Of course, it's fine to trot round there with my re-cycled shopping bags when all I want is a loaf, a bunch of radishes and a packet of lentils...which makes my culinary habits sound a lot more radical than they really are...but it's no good when you need heavy stuff.
For example, I like wine. Quite a lot of wine, actually. And wine is heavy. Especially if you buy it in bulk. Which I do. Tottering home under the weight of a few bottles of a decent Merlot, with maybe a Malbec or Rioja thrown in for good measure, is a beastly business if your fingers are losing all feeling under the over-stretched handles of your bags. Not to mention the humiliation of having to stop and lean against somebody's gatepost whilst you get your second wind. I never actually resorted to swigging out of one of the bottles to lighten the load, but it's a thought.
Roll out the shopping trolley and all is well! You can load up with bottles to your hearts content and then glide serenely home, unfettered by the excessive weight of your stash as it trundles happily behind you. You might rattle a bit along the way, but as far as passers-by are concerned you might just be stocking up on Evian water, or pickled onions. There need be no shame in it. And, of course, it's ideal for all heavy items, not just alcohol. But, if you knew me, you'd be unsurprised that that's what I've focused on here. Thus, what seemed like a reluctant nod in the direction of advancing years has actually turned out to be an enormous boon.
I have eschewed the much mocked, boxy tartan type model and gone for a stylish little number with a rather tasteful, contemporary leaf pattern. I am deeply fond of it. I don't know why everybody doesn't have one, regardless of age or gender. They make perfect sense. In fact, I suspect the environmentalists should latch on to it. Surely, if we all had them and they were widely used, thus losing their image as the being the preserve of us wrinkly old folk, then we might well save the planet. Think of all those emissions we'd avoid (why do 'emissions' always sound rude?) as we stroll to the supermarket, avoiding all that stressful road-rage whilst, at the same time, getting some much needed fresh air and exercise. What's not to love? And, of course, if they were to be embraced by the young fashionistas of the day then I would be hailed as a trend setter and the trolley would lose it's stigma, for stigma there most certainly is.
But why? Pretty much everybody uses a suitcase on wheels, so what's the big difference? We all see the sense of not heaving a great, heavy coffin of a thing around by a handle, so why not do the sensible thing with our shopping? I'll tell you why. Because we connect the shopping trolley with aged females, that's why. And who wants to be associated with them? Nobody, apparently. Hence my innate sense of having somehow given in. And I don't want to feel like that. I shouldn't feel like that.
I think it's all down to pigeon-holing, that current obsession of the government, the media, social services, the NHS and...well...pretty much everybody, it seems to me. Apparently, I am part of an 'ageing population' and we're a damned nuisance. And now, just to make matters worse, more and more of us are going to survive to that once rarely attainable centenary, and nobody's pleased about it. Words such as 'burden' and 'drain on resources' are amongst many such bandied about by the aforementioned groups. Which leaves us with a grim image of a shuffling grey mass, just getting in the way of the thrusting young folk and using up space that they could put to better use.
Well FUCK that! I'm not part of an 'ageing population', I'm part of THE population which, last time I looked, was still made up of a fair old mix of ages and abilities, the good and the bad, some saving, some squandering, some being a nuisance and some been a tremendous boon to the lives of all and sundry, regardless of age. And I'm in there somewhere. Neither burdening nor draining, just getting on with stuff and hoping to do so for a while yet.
However, should I need a bit of health care, or whatever, I don't think I'm any less entitled than somebody a few years younger. And to be frank with you, I don't particularly want to make it to a hundred anyway, not unless I'm still remarkably healthy, have my own teeth, can still ride my bike and am still having a hell of a good time, otherwise I'd really prefer to pop off a bit sooner or I'll just get bored. So you needn't fret that I'll be flopping about, having to be fed gruel and generally using up all those precious resources that, apparently, others deserve more than I do. I'll have made sure I got out before the going was less than fun. Not sure how, but it'd probably involve drugs and plenty of the aforementioned alcohol. Best to go out smiling, I think. Naturally, I'd prefer to just drift off via natural causes, preferably as a result of laughing too hard. We'll see.
In the meantime, help the cause by getting yourself a nifty little shopping trolley and tow it with pride. Little by little they'll be accepted by the population at large and nobody will point and snigger any more. Then we can move on to other things , like persuading people not to treat anybody with a few wrinkles and greying hair as is if they're stupid/ugly/invisible/a waste of space. Then when everybody just views us as the individual human beings that we are we can move on to world peace and the elimination of poverty, but best to start small I think.
To be going on with, I'll be flaunting my beautiful shopping aid in such a way that you'll all think yourselves foolish for not having one. So go get your own, bitches. This baby's mine.
Thank you for reading my blog. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did then please feel free to share.
Many thanks.
